in the shallows
All posts by jemurdock
wish fulfillment au where boromir lives through amon hen and since the ring has moved on his thoughts are clear and he’s just aragorn’s devoted right hand
and he and gimli gripe endlessly about the run across rohan because “i had THIS MANY ARROWS in my chest i want our hobbits back but CAN WE SLEEP” and he’s 5000% ticked by the rohirrim who don’t respect aragorn and he and eowyn become rampaging bffs and he gets in on the body counting at helm’s deep (“ARAGORN I’M BEHIND I’M GOING TO THE DOOR” “YOU ARE NOT GET BACK HERE”) and he and treebeard become instant kin because mi hobbit es su hobbit and he goes through the dimholt pass with aragorn and hates every single second of it but is unfailingly by his side through all of it
and then gets to minas tirith and reunites with faramir and finds out pippin is a guard of the citadel and has to go lock himself in a room and laugh for hours
“Mi hobbit es su hobbit”
oh god yes the last bit
Watching a super hero movie directed by a woman is like putting glasses on for the first time.
I didn’t realize how much I had to squint through the “male gaze” till suddenly, miraculously, I didn’t have to.
There were absolutely NO eye candy shots of Diana. There were Amazons with ageing skin and crows feet and not ONE of them wore armor that was a glorified corset. When Diana did the superhero landing, her thigh jiggled onscreen.
Did you hear me? HER FUCKING THIGH JIGGLED. Wonder Woman’s thigh jiggled on a 20-foot tall screen in front of everyone.
Because she wasn’t there to make men drool. She wasn’t there to be sexy and alluring and flirt her way to victory, and that means she has big, muscular thighs, and when they absorb the impact of a superhero landing, they jiggle, and.that’s.WONDERFUL.
Thank you, Patty Jenkins, for giving me a movie about a woman, told by a woman,so I can see it through my eyes, not some dude bro who’s there for boobs and butts.
This came out a little darker than I intended…Point is talking about your feelings before they build up is good!!
the sport i’d add to the olympics is Stealing. there is no event or ceremony. whoever is able to locate and steal the medals technically earns them
very serious progressive fighter game
Honestly this is just a sign of unbelievably good physics programming
Things that crack me up about Legolas:
- Okay, so maybe the film guide says he was born in TA 87, but looking at clues from HOME and the Silmariilion, he’s at the very most a bit over 2000 years old at time of The Fellowship of the Ring. He’s the youngest elf that we know about in that time period. ARWEN is older than him. He’s creeped out by Fangorn being so old but he calls all mortals children because he’s a little shit.
- Tolkien would get super pissed off when Legolas was shown in illustrations as “pretty or lady-like” and insisted that he was the biggest, roughest, toughest of the elves and the most hardcore of the Fellowship. Legolas is like the freaking Schwarzenegger of the elves, nbd.
- Best friend is a dwarf whose father was literally imprisoned by Legolas’ father and yet he still brought him to the Undying Lands for the most awkward family reunion because screw you Thranduil. And let me remind you that a) Gimli is the only, only dwarf who got to make the trip and Legolas invited him. Other people had to get permission from like the literal Valar and Legolas was like I want to bring my mortal bff yeah he wasn’t a ringbearer but whatevs. Also b) most of the people who left in TA 3201 went on like these fleets of beautiful vessels with a master shipbuilder but Legolas was like nope, going to build one myself, never built one before but it can’t be that hard, right?
- While Sindarin is the most common Elvish language by the time Legolas is alive, it’s considered really ugly and and unrefined, but here Legolas is running around probably not even able to speak the language of his ancestors, and I imagine him super proud of what must sound like an awful accent to his people.
- Also super explains how useless he was at Moira trying to decipher the door because he doesn’t have time to deal with those snobs.
- All the Fellowship got useful gifts or ones with spiritual meaning but instead Galadriel was like no, Legolas, I’m going to give you this big ass bow that’s bigger than the Mirkwood ones and it’s going to be so sick yeah it’s like taller than you are BUT ITS GOING TO LOOK SO SWEET.
are you telling me that Legolas is like… the baby gay dudebro redneck of the elves?
yes my friend, that is exactly what I am telling you
Please don’t forget the time Legolas fell out of a tree in Lothlorien and all the other elves laughed at him. I did once and was thankfully reminded by @cygnete because it is the best.
Mashups and Exports 