You open your door one day. It’s Satan. He wants, like, your fucking laptop or a really impressive drawing you did or something. When you say, “Get thee gone Satan,” he murders your father and steals your drawing and also destroys the sun.
It’s very possible that middle earth has a spider-man
with the new information we have that shelob is hot and DOES shapeshift to human form…I am 100% certain shelob had offspring with them local gondorians. there are definitely spidermen in gondor.
i was thinkin more like humans but half-elves is even better
okay i think ungoliant only has daughters?? not sure if this is a thing but i feel like this is mentioned, if not whatever then
so let’s say there’s like, a fuckload of kids that are half-shelob, either elf or human. but since they’re not maia enough they can’t shapeshift. and since they were concieved under her humanish form they’re more humanish (unlike the mirkwood spiders, which are smart and capable of speech and all but are more spider-ish). so we got these. kinda spidery elves. just. running around the forests of ithilien.
you go out camping with your boyscout pals on Gondor Youth Orginization or something, happily resting in your tent at night. You hear a skittering outside the tent. You look outside, there’s the most beautiful girl you’ve ever seen, except she’s got three sets of weirdly narrow arms and is busily snagging all camp’s food. you gasp. she looks over. oh gosh she has TOO MANY EYES. Four? Six? Little black eyes. you take a step closer. why does she look like that. she quickly scrambles up a tree. you look up. there’s two more of whatever she is, very similar in appearance all with the same flat, black head of hair. what the fuck. this is definitely going in your boyscout observations handbook.
concept two: elf girls who are LESS spider and WAY more elf but still slightly spider. totally normal but very beautiful girl sittin next to you in class. she’s cool and all except she eats fuckin bugs like what the hell. she bit a kid who made fun of her once and he was in the hospital for months due to venom. you want to ask her to prom but you don’t know if you’re culturally expected to knit her something first.
Mashups and Exports 