i love that when poe says “that droid has a map that leads straight to luke skywalker” finn says “oh you gotta be kidding me”, implying he knows exactly who luke is and that he’s important. i love that when finn mentions luke to rey she says “luke skywalker??? i thought he was a myth” implying she knows exactly who luke is and that he’s important. i love that luke skywalker is a legend, a myth, a celebrity. do you think he has fans
I like to think that not only is he famous but that because he’s so elusive he’s actually reached cryptid status in the star wars universe. people host parties when a new blurry photograph comes out, get into debates over whether he really exists or not, skywalker-sighting hotspots are full of tourists and conspiracy theorists wearing shirts with a lightsaber on that say ‘I want to believe’ in block capitals.
there’s a popular show where three guys run around the deserted places on various planets that have reported “Skywalker sightings”
it’s mostly just them interviewing crazy yokels who claim they saw Luke Skywalker eating leaves somewhere then going out in the dark and scaring themselves shitless claiming they hear lightsaber noises
Leia hasn’t missed an episode since it began airing
It’s very possible that middle earth has a spider-man
with the new information we have that shelob is hot and DOES shapeshift to human form…I am 100% certain shelob had offspring with them local gondorians. there are definitely spidermen in gondor.
i was thinkin more like humans but half-elves is even better
okay i think ungoliant only has daughters?? not sure if this is a thing but i feel like this is mentioned, if not whatever then
so let’s say there’s like, a fuckload of kids that are half-shelob, either elf or human. but since they’re not maia enough they can’t shapeshift. and since they were concieved under her humanish form they’re more humanish (unlike the mirkwood spiders, which are smart and capable of speech and all but are more spider-ish). so we got these. kinda spidery elves. just. running around the forests of ithilien.
you go out camping with your boyscout pals on Gondor Youth Orginization or something, happily resting in your tent at night. You hear a skittering outside the tent. You look outside, there’s the most beautiful girl you’ve ever seen, except she’s got three sets of weirdly narrow arms and is busily snagging all camp’s food. you gasp. she looks over. oh gosh she has TOO MANY EYES. Four? Six? Little black eyes. you take a step closer. why does she look like that. she quickly scrambles up a tree. you look up. there’s two more of whatever she is, very similar in appearance all with the same flat, black head of hair. what the fuck. this is definitely going in your boyscout observations handbook.
concept two: elf girls who are LESS spider and WAY more elf but still slightly spider. totally normal but very beautiful girl sittin next to you in class. she’s cool and all except she eats fuckin bugs like what the hell. she bit a kid who made fun of her once and he was in the hospital for months due to venom. you want to ask her to prom but you don’t know if you’re culturally expected to knit her something first.
headcanon that maes hughes introduced himself to a lot of people as “the best at corny puns.” some people caught on immediately, but six months into their friendship roy puts down a glass of water, hides his face in his hands, and whispers “maize” under his breath and nobody understands why
Ok though do you ever think about how weird it is that, we know elves consider hair super sexual because Tolkien said so, right? it’s literally their primary sexual characteristic. But they also name their children after their hair colour, and all they ever go on about is hair. TLDR this is the most solid argument there is again against elves being prudish, because like, THEY BASICALLY NAME ALL THEIR CHILDREN THE INWORLD EQUIVALENT OF “BIGGUS DICKUS” AND OH MY GOD WHAT IF THE ENTIRE SILM IS JUST ELF EROTICA THAT MISTAKEN FOR SERIOUS LITERATURE BECAUSE THE TWO M’S NEVER GAVE ELROND THE ELVEN SEX TALK
Okay this is the best thing ever. But like. The implications of this O___O I’m thinking
Lúthien cutting off her hair to make a rope is just. incredibly kinky
same with Glorfindel being dragged down to his death by the HAIR
When Elrond learned this (probably from Maglor, eventually) he went back and censored Glofindel out of the canon version of the Silmarillion IMMEDIATELY because WOW NSFW, SOMEONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN THIS IS WHY CLOSED ADOPTION IS A TERRIBLE IDEA
You know why Harry Potter is amazing? 99% of fan theories, headcanons and meta could be canon because Harry is about as observant as a brick wall. Did Slytherins come back to fight in the Battle of Hogwarts? Did Draco Malfoy enjoy crossdressing? Was Hermione transgender? Who knows, certainly not Harry
Harry didn’t notice Hermione time traveling around him for a whole year or his own teacher’s hand writing
Harry didn’t notice that he was a wizard
The glass is just gone I don’t know maybe that just happens with snakes sometimes.
No but when glorfindel was reborn I like to imagine he just woke up naked and smack bang in the middle of some field, and then just wandered around until he go to rivendell and was like ‘hey hi how you doing what year is this’
elrond like standing there with a blush a he tries to explain and lindir stands behind him looking scared because glorfindel attacked some guards on the way in butt naked
silvan elves that communicate in bird sounds and trills and tongue-clicking
silvan elves with dark skin so they can hide between foliage better
silvan elves who never met the ainur and as such properly worship them
devoted to nessa and yavanna and orome
silvan elves that literally talk to trees
silvan elves that paint their faces so they’re completely invisible when they want to
silvan elves who went south instead of west and now inhabit the forests of Harad
silvan elves that may not know how to write, but who knows the name of every stream, rock and valley in the area
Silvan elves who don’t worship the Valar because the Valar basically abandoned them when they didn’t want to come to Valinor.
Silvan elves who kicked Melkor’s ass in countless wars in the east and took on Ungoliant in the south, and whose deeds are remembered in epic song-cycles twenty times longer than Rumil and Pengolodh’s little pamphlets.
Mashups and Exports 