astrifeline:

astrifeline:

astrifeline:

i have high waisted jeans with pockets

i can fit my fucking galaxy in these

to clarify i mean my phone

i do not have the milky way in my pocket

sweats

burgerkid:

burgerkid:

burgerkid:

Who does a pharaoh talk to when he’s sad?

His mummy.

i lost 10 followers already

jawnstacheinatrenchcoat:

dyr0z:

waiting-unknown:

theload:

ravenstagsmooches:

Where do cats go when they die? Purrgatory.

¿De dónde van los gatos cuando mueren? Purgatorio.

Dude it works also in Italian! ‘Dove vanno i gatti quando muoiono? Nel purGATTOrio’

Also in Portuguese.

“Para onde vão os gatos quando morrem? Para o PURR-GATOrio”

the Illuminati will use this pun to recruit across language barriers #confirmed

crockercrocs:

sir-laughsalot:

laughoutloudrightnow:

pizzaforpresident:

have you ever seen a chicken strip

There are two kinds of people in this world.

4ndr3aa:

one-hamburger:

dicksp8jr:

fionaaelizabeth:

If corals get stressed they die, so if I was coral I would be dead 

what do coral even get stressed about

Current events

I sea

2k0:

tardis-mind-palace:

ineffablyserpentine:

my english teacher used to collect street signs until her students began to steal them for her

like they stole a street sign 

that said the street name

they also stole a stop sign in front of this loop in front of my school

and all 100 kids were like stealing signs

my english teacher was the head of a crime ring

I bet the principal didn’t want to believe it…

even though all the signs were there

get out