I’m so disappointed when elves in fiction are merely immortal humans with pointy ears, and dwarves are just short humans with beards. Perhaps others enjoy it, but I am bored of banal human conflicts and vices projected ad nauseam onto supposedly inhuman races.
I want to see things that really make me believe elves and dwarves and other fantasy races aren’t just disguised humans. Show me strange biology, incomprehensible minds, impossible virtues and unthinkable sins, oddities and curiosities of all kinds.
I think that’s what drew me to Tolkien’s races, who have exactly those kinds of quirks that set them apart from ordinary humans – like dwarves having only 1/3 of their race female, or elves being capable of telepathy. I love fic that explores the consequences of these strange characteristics most of all.
Elves’ ears twitching to catch a sound or perking up/down when happy/sad
Elves’ eyes dilating when they get angry (a telltale that gives them away except for those who mastered controlling it) It’s scary
Elves sleeping while walking (canon) and they’ll sometimes look around unseeing at whatever dream they’re having (freaking everyone else out)
Elves letting out a soft hiss (or big one) at someone they hate (eyes major dilated)
Elves not blinking while you talk. It’s freaky but they’re just paying attention. Honest. That’s all they’re doing
Random awkward silences. Why? why aren’t you saying anything? (they’re communing with someone else. Or sleeping. Humans will never know) And why are you always cocking your head?!
Dwarves scratching at the ground and listening to rocks to determine a good camping spot
Dwarves constantly telling Men what rocks to collect for better beard growth (don’t even bother with Elves. beardless twits)
Dwarves telling bedtime stories of how an iron vein became an ingot and how he became friends with the copper coil they set him next to
They unconsciously make music while they’re hammering. Rhythms and beats with all the pounds and clinks
Dwarves stomp their feet before getting into a fight to warn the ground it might get hurt
Humans asking why the bleep they got put on the planet with either of them
Thanks, I now will never be able to take this scene seriously again. xD
I can’t even…
OH NO
SOMEBODY DRAW GARRUS AND KAIDAN IN RED SPEEDOS
I NEED THIS
NEED IT
Had this idea for a while now, since I saw the images above after the release of the Extended Cut. Although it’s been done, I decided to give it a go anyway.
On hindsight, I should have placed Garrus in shorts. But whatever. It’s funnier this way (I also tried having it above those protruding hip bone thingies, but high-cut doesn’t suit him. It looked like diapers… >.>).