It’s still a few hours away from finished. I wish I had more time to work on this but client work is in the way again, so no idea when I’m able to finish it. >__< Hopefully soon!
( How the heck do I get into my tumblr template again? Am I just too stupid to see or do they hide that option now? I need to change my sidebar D:)
So because elves are Magic they don’t get cold like Legolas was hopping on snow drifts without proper shoes even. but Elrond is half human so what if he gets… chilly. Like not hypothermia or anything, but chilly like you wish you had brought a jacket. And the other elves see Elrond shiver like one time and flip the fuck out and just imagine:
doesn’t like the name his wife gives their son, Umbarto, pretends to mishear it and calls him Ambarto instead
starts a linguistics war
invents the internet
has the power to revive the holy light of heaven, doesn’t
keeps the holy light in his basement instead
MELKOR HIMSELF, Actually Satan and most powerful being in the entire world, comes to his house, Fëanor calls him a “jail-crow of Mandos” and slams the door in his face
an angel comes to stop him from rebelling against heaven, Fëanor gives such a rousing speech that the angel bows, says ok and leaves
sets his youngest son on fire
fights all the Balrogs by himself
corpse explodes out of sheer rage
Imagine Eonwë reporting back to Manwë though, like…how did that even go down??
Manwë: So, did you stop them?
Eonwë: No
Manwë: What? Why not?!
Eonwë: He…..yelled at me
Manwë: And?!
Eonwë: It was very intimidating
Manwë: *facepalms forever*
More Best Of Fëanor:
Namó: You’re in a fuckton of trouble you little bastard don’t you even think bout going to Beleriand unless you wanna get exiled the fuck out of here forever, I got enough Doom of the Noldor for everyone
I love the thought of Maiar chirping when they are intrigued, I love the thought of them making that little ‘Mrrrp?’ sound that cats do whenever something catches their attention, I love the thought of purring maiar, of SNARLING maiar and Maiar hissing at eachother and things that are mildly annoying.
I love the thought of them barely even laughing, but rather ‘chittering’ in amusement and Clicks could mean so many things – Either approval or annoyance.
They are nowhere near human – so I like the thought of them being just really fucking weird creatures…!
I also love to imagine that they would be fond of different things depending on what kind of maia they are. Aulë’s maiar are naturally drawn to shiny things and metal and WILL gather in little herds around something if it makes noises and flashes lights or is fractal in some way.
Manwë’s maiar have a tendency to fuzz up and puff up when something happens – especially if they’re startled. I just see them as rather timid but very playful creatures that could probably chase something caught in the wind for hours on end and help clean eachother’s feathers.
Ulmo’s maiar are probably little shits tbh – not really malicious but it’s just REALLY FUN to see humans wriggle around when you hold them under water. I believe they would ALSO be attracted by sparkly things, though maybe not to the same degree as Aulë’s maiar.
We do NOT talk about Mandos’ maiar – They’re terrifying and never blink. They don’t even speak – they just look at you with completely black eyes and only occassionally make hollow ‘ooo’-ing noises.
I’m so disappointed when elves in fiction are merely immortal humans with pointy ears, and dwarves are just short humans with beards. Perhaps others enjoy it, but I am bored of banal human conflicts and vices projected ad nauseam onto supposedly inhuman races.
I want to see things that really make me believe elves and dwarves and other fantasy races aren’t just disguised humans. Show me strange biology, incomprehensible minds, impossible virtues and unthinkable sins, oddities and curiosities of all kinds.
I think that’s what drew me to Tolkien’s races, who have exactly those kinds of quirks that set them apart from ordinary humans – like dwarves having only 1/3 of their race female, or elves being capable of telepathy. I love fic that explores the consequences of these strange characteristics most of all.
Elves’ ears twitching to catch a sound or perking up/down when happy/sad
Elves’ eyes dilating when they get angry (a telltale that gives them away except for those who mastered controlling it) It’s scary
Elves sleeping while walking (canon) and they’ll sometimes look around unseeing at whatever dream they’re having (freaking everyone else out)
Elves letting out a soft hiss (or big one) at someone they hate (eyes major dilated)
Elves not blinking while you talk. It’s freaky but they’re just paying attention. Honest. That’s all they’re doing
Random awkward silences. Why? why aren’t you saying anything? (they’re communing with someone else. Or sleeping. Humans will never know) And why are you always cocking your head?!
Dwarves scratching at the ground and listening to rocks to determine a good camping spot
Dwarves constantly telling Men what rocks to collect for better beard growth (don’t even bother with Elves. beardless twits)
Dwarves telling bedtime stories of how an iron vein became an ingot and how he became friends with the copper coil they set him next to
They unconsciously make music while they’re hammering. Rhythms and beats with all the pounds and clinks
Dwarves stomp their feet before getting into a fight to warn the ground it might get hurt
Humans asking why the bleep they got put on the planet with either of them
Mashups and Exports 